Lordy, lordy, I can see!

The past month or so has been all about doctor visits for me. Nothing more fun than spending your days in those antiseptic offices, with their uncomfortable chairs, and vaguely menacing vibe. Aside from the impromptu vist to my PCP for vag cancer (detailed below), I had also gone to him a couple of weeks before for the annual physical. (All's running well, if you were wondering. Five by five.) But when I was there, I asked him for reccomendations of an Opthamologist, as it had been years since I had an eye exam.

So, that was the reason for yesterday's visit to the Seton Medical Building in lovely Dorchester, MA.

When I was younger, I had worn glasses to correct the fact that I was cross-eyed. Awesome little glasses with a Superman logo on the frames. And they worked, but apparently not permanently.

Rewind. A couple of months back, I noticed that I was squinting to read things on the television screen. Specifically, messages and conversations from the Star Wars video game I was playing. I was sitting probably not even ten feet away, giving myself a headache as I squinted at the screen trying to read what some green-ish fellow that looked vaguely like a squid with Downs syndrome was saying to me. This happened a couple of times, so I made a note to myself that at my next physical, I'd get my doc to reccomend an eye doc to me so I could see if perhaps glasses were in my future.

Aso, within this span of time, I noticed in the mirror that the old lazy-eye had made a bit of a return.

So, I head into the office yesterday with my short laundry list and we're off .

Full eye exam time.

Hadn't done one of these is probably about five years, but they're still pretty much the same. Follow the light. Read this line. Wear that robotic mask thing that makes you look like a cyborg while they take a look at the eye. Eye drops. All the usuals from 5 years ago...hell, what I remember from 20 years ago...are pretty much the same.

The doc, she was cute. A little older, but pretty. Hella sexy accent, too. Couldn't place it, though. Kind of like how a British person would sound if they lived in India. But not exactly.

So, we go through the whole exam, including the lap dance (just seeing if you're paying attention), and she reccomend glasses for reading, driving, and at work. OK, no problem, I kind of expected this eventually. More on that in a minute.

She also said that I was an "alternater". Years and years of eye exams when I was younger and no one told me. What this means is that I don't see/look out of both eyes at the same time. I use one at a time and switch back and forth between the two. That made sense, as I knew that about myself already. I use my left eye a lot for everyday situations, although oddly enough my right eye is stronger for far sight. I didn't know there was an actual term for it however. Anyway, she didn't specifically say that this was the cause of my cross-eyed-ness, but again it would seem likely that one follows the other. At any rate, there's not much that can be done about it without things like surgery and eye-patches. Yar.

Another thing about being an alternater, and also something I noticed, is that 3D doesn't work for you. For 3-D to work, you need to be utilizing both eyes at the same time. So, it makes sense that years and years ago, I felt I was missing out when watching Jaws 3 or Friday the 13th 3. "I don't get it, "I remember thinking. "Looks like a regular movie to me. Maybe these cheap little Cracker Jack prize glasses they handed out at the door are broken?" I'll never get the full magic of a 3-D movie. Thanks god that phase never really took off then, eh?

So, back to glasses. After the exam, I go over to the little room where they keep all the glasses and pick out a pair. With anti-reflective coating reccomended by doc Zan, for reducing the glare fromt he computer screen while wearing them at work. No Superman frames this time, although I'm sure that would be really stylish if I wore a white belt, trucker hat, and a girl's size t-shirt, with my angular haircut, gulping down PBRs while listening to the Arcade Fire and ironically loving the 80s. But I decide to go with a different look. So, we (myself with the help of Jerry), pick out a cool looking pair. Looks kind of like the kind a college professor that would have sex with his students might wear. We then sit down and start talking anti reflective coating. Regular AR versus Teflon AR. Teflon is reccomended, because it's cuts down more glare, let's in more light, makes the lenses more resistant to scratches and breaking. Only $40 more dollars.

OK, not bad. $40 more? Sure, why not. So Jerry tallies it up. Lenses, frames, Teflon....$330! Oof! For that kind of money, I want to have a sweet heads up display in the lenses that targets for the laser I'm having installed in my penis. I'd heard glasses were expesinve, but damn! Take care of those things, I must. I was so proud that my credit card debt was virtually nil, down to $0 probably by then end of the year. But not anymore.

All because I want to see.