What'cha eatin'?

Now that Howard Stern has made the jump to satelite radio, the unenviable job of replacing him, at least in the Boston market, has fallen to David Lee Roth. I've listened to bits and pieces of his show the past week or so, usually when I'm driving into work. It's not terrible. It's a little boring after Stern, but most things would be. It's like trying to follow up a seven course meal with a salad. It's just a little unsatisfying. But Roth seems to be a relatively smart guy, and a lot less scattered than I was expecting from what I know of his public persona. (As well as the fact that I read his autobiography, which was all over the place.)

Anyway, he was talking at one point today about food, eating, health, etc. I don't know if he was serious but at one point he said his diet consisted of: plain oatmeal with water and a piece of fruit, plus some egg whites in the morning, and then chicken, rice, and water the rest of the day. He was talking to a female caller, and said he does this so he can look good for her (and "her" being the general female population in actual meaning) naked.

He followed it up by saying he thought that's why a lot of people go to the gym. Not because they care overly about their health, but so they could look good naked.

I thought about this a while, and I can see some merit in this. After all we live in a society very much concerned with image. What you wear, how you look, do you have tatoos?, long hair or short hair?, how you wear your hat...these things color people's impression of you. Apparently clothes really do make the man. Who are our heroes, our royalty (in general)? Movie stars, TV stars, rock stars, athletes. People who, by the nature of their profession, are naturally fit and trim, or go to great lengths to appear that way. Personal trainers, strict diets, surgery. Whatever it takes. Whatever it takes to look good. And whether consciously or not, that philosphy trickles down to us here on the "regular Joe" level.

Myself included, I'm no exception. And while I at least realize it, realizing it alone doesn't absolve me from the desire to "be more perfect." Hell, I want to look good naked, too.

So I go to the gym, although not nearly as much or as dilligently as I should. It's fairly easy to convince myself that there's a reason why I can skip today. But the food thing? I thought about Roth's purported daily diet and I cringed. Because, and let me say this loud: I LIKE FOOD! If that indeed is his daily diet, hell I think I sometimes have more calories for breakfast than he has in a day.

Now, I do make a bit of an effort to eat better than I used to. I don't have that lightning fast metabolism of my younger days. I've stopped eating the biggies of fast food (McDonalds, Burger King, Wendys, Taco Bell, etc.) It's been over a year. My diet doesn't consist entirely of cookies and ice cream, although I do like me some of both. I do like fruit and the occasional vegetable. But at the same time, I think the perfect food is pizza. Depending on what type you get, you could concievably cover a number of the food groups all at once. If I could have steak with a side of ribs, I probably would. And although they're currently being decried as the worst thing you could have, carbs are my best friend. I could probably live quite happily on a diet of bread, potatoes, and pasta.

Wanting to look good naked is a vanity. I think, left to our own devices, most people probably wouldn't put in all that effort just to stand around staring at themselves in the mirror and saying, "Damn, I look awesome!" No, it's a vanity because they want to look good for someone else. They want people to notice. And I don't say that in a derogatory way. In fact I think there's nothing wrong with that at all. We all want to make someone swoon. But here's the thing: my previous 31 years have borne out the fact that I'm going to be eating far more than I'm going to be naked with others. So you know what, I'm going to enjoy my food. a plain oatmeal and egg white breakfast is cruel and unusual punishment as far as I'm concerned.

Now will someone pass the French Onion Sun Chips please?