Social Anxiety

It's great stuff. No, really.

I partake on an online internet board during the day. Ostensibly it is a local music board, but the topics are more far ranging than that. About a month ago, someone suggested a CD swap. The idea is that anyone that wants to partak creates a mix CD. Those people then get together and swap them. So, if there were 5 people, you get 4 mix CDs, and you make a copy of your own for everyone else.

It sounded like a good way for me to get my hands on some new music, so I agreed to be part of it.

Well, the swap date was last Friday night, and if I'm going to be honest, I spent a good part of last week trying to think of a good excuse not to go. Not because I wasn't ready; I was. My mix had been created, burned and was ready to go. No, I was trying to get out of it because I didn't want to deal with having to meet umpteen new people that I had never met before, (except for online.) It was of course based on fear, and social anxiety. I had no reason not to want to meet these people, except for the "What if they don't like me?" factor. To make matters worse, the one person I had met in person, bailed midway through the week because he had to work.

However, as the week went along, and people talked about the get together, (which was going to be at one of the poster's apartment), I noticed something. There was a fair amount of joking about just that same subject from a lot of people.

So, I sucked it up. Friday night rolled around, and I got my ass out there. (Which is not to say I didn't cheat a little with a couple of bottles of liquid courage beforehand.) I packed up my CDs, the snacks I was bringing (cheesecake filling, graham crackers, and chocolate syrup; oddly enough it was by request), and hopped in my car and over to Inman Sq.

I got there about 15 minutes late (planned), as I didn't want to be the first person there. Walked up to the door, rang the bell before I could think too much about it, and.....WAS THE FIRST PERSON THERE!!!

D'OH!

But, honestly, once I got past that initial awkwardness, it was fine. People showed up. There was small talk. We selected peoples' mixes at random to play. Mine was one of them, and did not get shut off after one song (another fear I had.) People laughed at my jokes. All in all, I really can't complain about how the night went.

At this point, I'm just waiting to see what kind of feedback the mix gets now.