Rambo, what is non-essential?

We here at the Technical Solutions Center at the 'B are "non-essential" employees. Which is to say that if the whole bunch of us all called in sick to work on the same day, the company would continue to function with no problems. Or, if there were problems...well, there'd be no one here for people to call up and bitch to.

That's what I mean by non-essential. Not along the lines of "hey, fire everyone in TSC. Fuck 'em. We don't need 'em."

We are non-essential employees.

Except when we become essential.

When it's the middle of January and our umpteenth nor'easter for the year is currently dumping feet of snow over the area, and "all non-essential employees need not come to work today"....that doesn't include us. We are essential then. Get in your car and slide to work, essential TSC employees.

When, on October 6th, 2005 rolls around and at noon every other employee gets to go out for to our Employee Appreciation Day for the afternoon and enjoy the duck pond game and the milk bottle toss game and the baloon darts game and the full court press basketball shootout game and the golf challenge game and the dice game (not the NH version) and ping pong ball toss game and the washer toss game and the body tattoo booth, we're essential employees, needed to man the phones. And can I just say, body tatoo booth? What? When did this turn into a biker (or hipster) convention? This I gotta see.

Sure, we get to slip out and get the free eats (ribs and chicken this year, mmm), but then it's back to the desks and computers and ringing phones and incessant sounds of modems dialing.

Actually, let me amend that. Apparently I'm the only sucker working here right now, as the rest of TSC is nowhere to be found.

What the fuck?

In conclusion: I'm a sucker. Where's my raise?

P.S. It's about 15 minutes later. I just walked out to the parking lot to witness the MIB Company Carnival in person. Wow, that was the most pathetic example of a carnival ever.
They roped off a section of the parking lot and set up the tiniest, so sad I could cry midway. And while they're giving out prizes for the games, no "carnival" midway is complete without a booth giving away those mirrors with rock band logos bpainted on them, and there was none of that. We have a bocce court and room for a volleyball net that have been big in Appreciation days past, and this year....nothing.

Back when I was in grade school, for a couple of years, our biggest field trip would always be to the Topsfield Fair. But it was the gayes field trip ever because we weren't allowed to go on any of the rides. Basically, we would sit on a bus for an hour to get there, (which as you know, for a young child seems about 4 times that long), walk around, eat some fried dough, and feed the maybe dozen goats and handful of sheep with those ubiquitous and vague "pellets" that you'd get a handful of for a quarter. You know the ones I mean? The ones that are apparently nutrtious enough and good enough for every single animal on earth to eat, because that's all they ever had a petting zoo? That was our gay Topsfield Fair field trip. The 'B Carnival? Even gayer.

Gayer? Is that a word?