Bad writing

The question I get a lot at work is: "How many books do you read in a month?"

Occasionally substitute "year" or "week" for "month", but you get the gist.

I hate that question. How do you answer it?

"4.3. I read 4.3 books a month."

I don't fucking know. Depends on the book, the writing style, the length, the type of story, not to mention how much other stuff I have going on in life.

Anyway, people here know I read a lot. So every now and then someone will give me a book to read. Last week Dolly gives me this book by Jonathan Kellerman. Kellerman is one of the NY Times bestselling authors. Popular. He has a series about a child psychologist that works with the police in solving crimes. This was one of those books.

So, I'm reading through it. And at first it feels like an episode of Law and Order. A little too cutesy and trying too hard with the dialogue, but OK. And I'm reading...reading....reading. I get about 3/4ths of the way through the book and I can't deal anymore. Usually if I make it that far, I'll finish; usually if I'm going to quit on a book, I'll do it within the first hundred pages. But Kellerman managed to mask his bad writing until it got to the point that it was impossible to ignore. Forget the plot, because it's stupid. But whatever, it's a police procedural/mystery. I'm not expecting much. However, it appeared that this case was going to be solved almost entirely by the two main characters conjecturing and talking about the case. And who knows, maybe in the real world that's how cases get solved. Maybe police work isn't very exciting a lot of the time. However, this is fiction, and Kellerman's breaking the cardinal rule: Don't tell what you can show. You're watching a movie, or one of the half a million police procedural shows on TV every week, what do you want to see: Police following clues, leading them to suspects, and eventually a resolution? Or police sitting around the station, their houses, coffee shops throwing out theories about the case and essentially solving it that way? Personally, I'd like the action option please.

And keep in mind this is a BESTSELLING AUTHOR! Which means many people buy this crap.

Another example. A few years ago, I read the Horse Whisperer, by...um, Nicholas Sparks maybe? I had seen the previews for the film, and it looked interesting....with the tag line, "From the bestselling novel..." So I figure it's usually true that the book is almost always better than the movie, so I should read the book first. What utter crap. It's been so long that I can't remember particulars, but I have shadowy memories of it being just about the most horrible thing I've ever read. And that was the writing, forget about the story.

As a counterpoint, the first horror novel I ever read was called The Devil's Touch. It was part of a series by a guy named William Johnstone who alternated between horror, westerns, and post apocalyptic fiction, all starring manly (usually ex-special forces) men kicking ass for goodness, mom, and apple pie. Not exactly Shakespeare. And his horror stuff was pure schlock. The Devil series was pretty much about the devil and his earthly minions trying to take over random small towns to establish a foothold on earth, and how they're repeatedly thwarted by Sam Balon Sr. (in the first book) and Jr. (in the others). Lot's of B-grade violence and gratuitous sex (which is probably why I loved reading them as I was just hitting my teen years).

But for all that...it was better written than the fucking Horse Whisperer. I kid you not.

I guess I shouldn't bitch. I'm actually people are reading anything at all. And hell, not everything that's popluar is bad. Just take a look at Harry Potter. Biggest thing since the bible, and wonderfully written. I will unabashedly state I own them all and can't wait for the last one.

But sometimes I wonder how things get popular. But you know, just look at the music industry, which is an extreme example of the same principal, and worthy of a Pillars of the Earth novel-sized blog all its own